Posts Tagged ‘Fun’

I dread to think of the roaming charges


The story goes that NASA are sending an iPhone into orbit for the first time ever, aboard the very last Space Shuttle mission next month.

This news has prompted one wag to speculate what the settings screen might look like.

Laptops have been going into orbit for years of course. In fact the International Space Station is stuffed full of them. We never get to see the screens so we just can’t be sure how many are playing Solitaire. We’ll just trust that they’re all doing science.

However, this is the first time an iPhone (or any mobile device?) has been taken aloft.

In fact they’re taking not one but¬†two (presumably for those multi player games).

Apparently, according to Wired Magazine, NASA have some special apps which they’ve developed to test the principle of using a mass market device like this on future space missions. You never know when you might bump into E.T. … and he or she may want to phone home.

Just watch those roaming and international data charges guys.


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Rapture’s Winners and Losers


As expected, today’s long forecast rapture saw more losers than winners. However, the selection criteria seem to have been tougher than most observers expected.

As the the clock turned to 6pm in each time zone around the world today, many looked expectantly towards the sky in the hope that Jesus might interpret the rules liberally and call them up to Heaven. Most seem to have been disappointed though.


The event got off to a poor start in the Pacific region where, apparently, nobody in either New Zealand or Australia was called. Forecasts of the number of Australians devout enough to qualify had always been pessimistic; however the zero tally among their Kiwi neighbours was a surprise.

The biggest shock so far has been in Rome. Neither Pope Benedict nor any of his cardinals were called. The Pontiff is reported to be “gutted” and blames various journalists for drawing the Lord’s attention to “that business with the¬†paedophile priests”.


In aggressively secular Britain the tally of those called to Heaven seems to have been very poor too.

The ranks of the disappointed are believed to include the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, despite bookmakers’ predictions. A spokesperson for Dr Williams confirmed that he would be “considering his options” now, in the time remaining before October 21st when the world will officially end.

Elsewhere officials say it will take several hours before numbers can be confirmed. At this stage, however, there has been only one report of anyone being spirited up into the clouds from anywhere in the United Kingdom.

The lucky winner

Witnesses outside a Sainsbury’s store in Yorkshire (God’s own county) reported seeing one shopper, a Ms Evangeline Smith, rise from the car park at just after 6pm, leaving her clothes in a small heap by the shopping trolleys. A nearby shopper, who claims to have seen what happened, said “I was gobsmacked and frankly rather disgusted. I mean, there were children there and you don’t expect to see naked women ascending in front of them”.

Mrs Smith’s neighbours say they have no idea why she was chosen. One, who did not wish to be named, complained that it wasn’t fair though. “I never saw her wash her net curtains”.

All eyes on the US

With disappointing results so far all eyes are now on the United States, where 6pm won’t arrive for another five hours.

US Treasury officials say they are concerned about the effects on the economy if the country’s disproportionately large population of evangelists are all called to Heaven at once. The Department for Transportation is urging anyone belonging to an organisation with ‘Traditional’ or ‘Family’ in the name to refrain from driving or operating machinery as the big hour approaches.


Meanwhile back in Britain there is concern that Richard Dawkins has not been seen since he popped out for a walk just before six.

A spokesman for the Christian Institute said, “God moves in mysterious ways”

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