BREAKING: The famous Boys school at ETON is to be split, with half of the 323 year old Berksire establishment transferring to a new site at Salford Quays in Greater Manchester.
The move has been prompted by increasingly embarrassing displays of ignorance by the ruling classes.
It is modelled on the recent move of half of the BBC’s operations.
“We want to give the pupils a first hand appreciation of geography, among other things” explained head of communications, Sir Bullington Club.
“Our old boys have obvious gaps in their knowledge of what takes place north of Watford … well, north of Hampstead, actually”.
“We understand that jet planes go to Manchester these days, but not many private ones.”
“And how is a boy to learn about the world other than by jetting in and out?”
Boys in the lower school are understood to have welcomed the news that they won’t need to perform fagging duties at Salford.
“We plan to outsource these duties to local youth”, says Club.
“This makes it entirely feasible to move either the whole upper or lower school, as they will no longer have this link.”
The move follows extensive surveys of other potential sites. However it is believed that the proximity of the Manchester Ship Canal, and the consequent ease of importing sufficient supplies of Champagne and Pate de Foie Gras, swung votes in favour of the modern waterside district.
Boys can also be inducted straight into the BBC from school, as a first step towards their natural destiny of running everything.