Underworld’s Exclusive New Safety Knickers
Now On Sale
Responding to growing social concern about the risks of people accidentally dating and having sex with transsexual women, Underworld Garments Ltd of Weatherfield in Lancashire, are today announcing an exclusive new range of recycled ‘safety knickers’.
The innovative knicker features a clear printed design on the front of each garment, and embroidered into the gusset, stating “WARNING: May contain transsexual” in luminous dayglo ink.
The warning is designed to avoid harm to people who may be severely allergic to transsexuals, and whose heads may explode as a result of accidental genital contact with one.
The luminous ink ensures that the pants remain effective even in low light conditions, such as underneath duvet covers or in back of a Morris Marina.
Range of Colours / Sizes
The knickers, available individually (or in packs of three dozen for wholesale) utilise recycled Marks and Spencer cotton briefs.
They are available in a range of colours: “Boil wash grey”, “Oops, Coloured Sock” or “Vindaloolastnight”.
A range of sizes is also on sale: Van, Truck and Six Wheeler.
Designed with safety first in mind, the new knickers are compliant with the new British Standard for transsexual warning signals BS999.
“Our new safety knickers eliminate the risk of people’s minds being accidentally blown”, explains Underworld’s head of design Hayley Cropper.
“Nobody actually knows how many tragedies have occurred through heterosexual men or radical feminist lesbians accidentally coming into contact with a transsexual woman’s genitals.”
“Experts assure us that these are tragedies just waiting to happen though. Few are allergic in this way, but the consequences for those people can be lethal.”
“It takes only a moment for the innocent mind to become confused about its own sexual orientation and then the head can explode without warning”.