Weird things are happening around here at the moment.
Earlier this afternoon a large blue Police Call Box appeared in my garden and a couple of police officers jumped out, without a hint of irony.
Apparently they’re from 2038 and were (will be?) here gathering evidence for an enquiry.
Time Travel was (will be?) apparently perfected in the year 2063.
The devices caught (will catch?) on fast.
Unfortunately the inventor, a frenchwoman named Qui, will have omitted to patent her device.
Several large multinational conglomerates would have rushed to corner the market.
Patent wars will ensue.
And those will have continued acrimoniously until one bright young lawyer will have had the inspiration to travel back 25 years to pre-patent the device themselves … obtaining an immediate bulk order from world’s police forces in the process.
The Police Call Box design will have been just a masterstroke of ironic branding.
However, as I say, the irony today was lost on the officers who stepped out into my flower bed.
The officers weren’t saying much … although they did apologise for flattening some recently planted cyclamen.
From what I could gather, however, the “People’s Committee” in 2038 will have decided to finally hold a full enquiry into the events which will have led to the revolution of 2015.
The time travelling police officers are part of ‘Operation Justice’, gathering evidence. 2013 is considered significant.
From what I can gather, few members of the actual Government in 2015 will have survived. Several will have been summarily executed in the first few bloody days. Others will have succumbed during lengthy spells in jail. (The ‘Yesterday’ channel will be full of old documentaries about it all, I’m told).
The 2038 Police weren’t looking for those at the top, however. Their mission, I understand, was to find the people who carried out their orders and take them to the future to face trial there.
I couldn’t get a full list of everyone the officers were looking for. Obviously they didn’t have too much time to stand and chat. However, I gather they are particularly looking for investment bankers, employees of ATOS involved in Work Capability Assessments, civil servants in the departments of Education and Health and BBC correspondents.
They are also looking for Unix programmers … but that’s a separate investigation.
The Police came back after a couple of hours with two suspects in handcuffs. Apparently that’s all they can get inside the rather cramped quarters inside the box in one go.
They assured me they had been back though … in 2010.
I made my visitors some tea before they left. It seemed the least I could do. Apparently, tea is something they won’t have after some awful catastrophe in 2020 … so it was regarded as a treat.
I gather they have a lot of trouble with the right case when working on a case too. This is a big joke among future police I’m told.
Before they disappeared one of them asked me for my autograph. His colleague was really annoyed about that and muttered something about paradoxes. Not sure I understood that bit.
But they seemed like nice boys.