Argument rages over the US Constitution’s Second Amendment this week after the detonation of a small tactical nuclear weapon by a disaffected teenager vaporised a small town in Arkansas.
The device, believed to be approximately 5 megatons, is said by investigators to have been exploded by angry youth Duane Nerfin after a family dispute.
The town of Champignon was completely destroyed in the conflagration.
Nerfin is believed to have stolen the bomb from his father’s collection of nuclear devices, which had been legally purchased over the course of many years, from a nearby Walmart store.
Nobody from the store was available for comment. Indeed, the store no longer exists.
Duane Nerfin Senior was one of many Americans who steadfastly believe in a citizen’s right to bear thermonuclear arms. Mr Nerfin was not available for comment, having been vaporised along with his son.
The incident, not the first of its kind, has reignited the old dispute in the United States over a citizen’s right to bear arms. And, in particular, for this right to include stockpiling a personal nuclear arsenal.
Proponents argue that unless citizens have the right to hold the ultimate deterrent, they have no protection against incursions by an expanding government. A representative from the National Rifle Association explains, “the tragedy that befell the town of Champignon points to the need for an expansion in sales of tactical nuclear weapons. None of us will be safe until every citizen has the capacity to use the ultimate deterrent.”
A spokeswoman from the Pentagon disagreed: “We think it’s actually unfair. As a government we’ve had to sign treaties with other countries specifically limiting our own nuclear arsenal. There is a dangerous imbalance if ordinary people can just pop down to Walmart and arm themselves with more megatons than we are allowed ourselves”.
Sales of personal nuclear devices (PNDs) have rocketed since this week’s events. “People are just snapping them up” said one supermarket manager who declined to be named. “Nobody wants to be the one without a big red button to press if a neighbourhood dispute gets out of hand”.
As he spoke to our reporter the manager was nervously eyeing an angry dispute in the parking lot, as one excited customer had backed a protruding warhead into the adjacent SUV.
As we hastily left the scene supermarket staff were refilling the shelves with containers of nerve agent. Until a decision by the Supreme Court the people are assumed to have the right to bear chemical as well as nuclear arms.
Meanwhile, stores around the newly named Champignon Crater are stocking up with this year’s new style in radiation protection.
The dispute over the Second Amendment is not expected to be resolved any time soon.
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