Following the week’s revelations about bank traders colluding to fix interbank interest rates, and yet more news about inappropriate selling, bankers have acted swiftly to clamp down on what they see as the most egregious types of theft and dishonesty inside their walls.
Compliance and security teams from Britain’s top name banks convened an emergency summit on Friday at Claridges.
Following a lively power lunch, at which options were discussed, a consensus was reached.
From Monday the chains securing pens to high street counters will be replaced with new, stronger, titanium steel cables.
Customers leaving branches will also be subjected to pat-down searches to ensure they are not removing more than one deposit slip at a time.
“We are determined to come down hard on wrongdoing in our banks”, a spokesman said, straightening his designer jacket and dabbing pate de foie gras from his lips. “We want to draw a line but we can’t when all the pens have been nicked”.
Customers who persist in stealing pens and stationery will be dealt with harshly. Special courts will deal out non-nonsense custodial sentences.
“Following a period inside, however, we will consider the most ingenious crooks for positions in our trading division”.