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Archive for March, 2012

Apple Launches iTravel in the Cloud

ITravelCloud

Industry watchers expecting Apple to launch a new iPad model in California today admitted they were ‘beside themselves’ in amazement when the company unveiled a bold new concept accompanying their latest new hardware.

Marketed as iTravel in the Cloud, a groundbreaking service from the Cupertino CA company employs new hardware in the latest tablet device to
revolutionise personal mobility.

Anywhere, anytime

iTravel in the Cloud enables iPad 3 owners to move freely from place to place … and be in several places at the same time … using the Cloud based synchronisation technology already used widely for handling music, books, calendar and address book entries.

The power of the new service was demonstrated by downloading a fully functional Steve Jobs, who had been uploaded during beta testing before his untimely demise.

The downloaded Steve said how proud he was to have been an early adopter of the technology, and how he expected it to bring an entirely new meaning to the concept of “living on in one’s products”.

Company officials were tight lipped, however, on the question of whether Microsoft would be permitted to download one or more Steve Jobs’ of their own.

“You’ll have to read the user agreement”, said an official.

Uploaded

To use iTravel in the Cloud, a user must first register with the new service and upload themselves to Apple’s high reliability server farm. The process is described as entirely painless, although some early adopters reported that it can tickle.

Once uploaded, copies of that user can then be downloaded to any desired location by entering a passcode into the destination iPad. Copies are encrypted using Apple’s FairPlay content protection system to prevent illegal person sharing on peer to peer services.

You get where you want to go by emailing your Apple ID and a passcode to the user whose iPad you want to materialise from. The process can also be automated via new meeting organiser facilities added to iCal in the latest version of the operating system.

Revolutionary

iTravel in the Cloud is expected to revolutionise both long distance travel and personal relationships.

For business users the service means being able to attend important meetings in distant cities whilst still being productive in the office.

Personal users are expected to embrace the functionality to visit elderly in-laws whilst not simultaneously partying on the town.

The “find my device” facilities available in iCloud are also extended to enable users to locate lost copies of themselves and delete them.

Commercial potential

Users are not restricted to ripping and distributing themselves.

At the time of launch the iTunes service already has downloadable versions of over a hundred TV and film personalities at attractive prices. The standard price for downloading your own Stephen Fry is $4.99. UK prices were not available as we went to press.

Controversial

Journalists at the press launch queried whether the new service could spawn a new form of sex industry if not controlled in some way.

The company claimed that it would apply the same procedures that it had developed for approving additions to the app store. Each upload would be tested for quality before being made available to the public. The company would not confirm a policy yet on whether homosexuals could be uploaded.

Rumours denied

Apple executives were asked to confirm or deny rumours of problems with the new software during testing. Apple watchers had been discussing rumours for weeks that an entire floor of developers had been somehow ‘lost’

“There is no question that we have lost any employees in the Cloud”, insisted a spokesman. “We know where all of our employees are”. Pressed further, however, he conceded that the company could have lost the encryption keys  required to render one or two of them “at the moment”.

Shipping immediately

iTravel in the Cloud is available immediately on US model iPad 3’s, which ship with an enhanced version of the iOS operating system. Users of older iPad models will be able to download the new operating system in due course; however they will be need to buy an external add-on hardware in order to use iTravel.

Outside of the US iTravel in the Cloudwill be rolled out progressively. Delays are said to be due to passport difficulties.

 

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